Satire by VJ Miller, Sr.
The following is purely satire and in no way fathomable, should be misconstrued as the actual truth.
The urge to be artistic has been MIA for a while. I thought my muse had gone on vacation and drowned in the waters off some far flung resort beach. Not so. The tramp is just shacking up with the local beach bum(s) until her itch has been scratched.
The actual cause is that my artistic license has expired without my notice. The agency where I got the first one, sadly, no longer exists due to budget cuts in the economy. The duties have been taken over by the DMV as a sideline to make more money. This means I’m going to have to produce my birth certificate and SS card (wherever they may be hiding) and three forms of identification. Then I’ll need a note from my High School art teacher. She’s about 85 or so by now; I hope she’s still alive. The waiting period varies with the age of the applicant and which Councilmen you sucked up to… or didn’t. Other variables apply but are largely subjective depending on whether the members of the licensing panel have been laid recently or not.
If all goes well I may be legal again before I’m eligible for Social Security or lose my damn mind.
Come to think of it… I better make sure my driver’s license hasn’t expired before I go to the DMV.
I’ve heard there could be bootleg copies being cranked out on a mimeograph machine in some back alley shop in Tijuana but even with protection you may come back with more than you really want.
Desperate people sometimes do desperate things.